Last Sunday, my husband and I attended a Holy Communion party, for a friend’s son. Around an hour in, my husband introduced me to a friend’s sister. He had mentioned in passing, a while back, that she was a blogger too. He introduced us as fellow bloggers, and I felt very self conscious. I’m not at the stage yet, where I can talk openly to strangers about my blog – not in the flesh, anyway. I’m perfectly fine promoting my blog to strangers online; but you won’t find me circulating a function room, saying “hi, I’m Caroline and I write a mental health blog.”
Andrea asked what my blog is about, and I could’ve sworn the music had stopped and everyone in the room was staring at me. It hadn’t, and they weren’t, but my social anxiety likes to convince me otherwise. Oh, shit. I took a big gulp of my drink, and told her. My social anxiety cackled in my ear, and told me that she thought I was a social pariah. In reality, Andrea didn’t bat an eyelid. Unflinchingly, she asked me for the name of my blog. I gave it to her and asked her about her blog.
To say that Andrea’s blog is about her life with cancer, would be a huge injustice to her, and her blog. Her having cancer, was the reason she started her blog; but it isn’t just about that. She also writes about all the beauty she has in her life: her family, her friends, her children and some very naughty bunny rabbits. Her blog is her way of keeping everyone who knows her updated, so she doesn’t have to repeat herself; every time she sees them. She finds that some people are even afraid to ask her how she’s doing, in case they upset her. So there’s an elephant in her room too.
I left the party, not even expecting to have gained a new reader. But when I logged into WordPress, the next day; I found that Andrea had followed my blog. Then I really did feel self conscious. My blog isn’t pretty, and I write about all the ugly demons in my head. My posts have a lot of profanities in them, so to have someone read it, who’s met me in the flesh; is a very nerve racking experience. It’s like having a dream that you turn up to work without any clothes on, only to find out it isn’t a dream. She must think I’m Queen Batshit of Crazyville. Or worse, that I’m the Duchess of Filthtown. Yuck. Why didn’t I start a twee little craft blog, or a fluffy baking one; complete with photos of a gingham print tablecloth and an air of smug housewifery? Anyway, I hope she doesn’t think I’m a complete nutjob, with questionable morals. If she does, she’s probably not too far from the truth; if I’m honest.
I’ll draw this self pitying monologue to a close and leave you with a link to Andrea’s blog. Go and give her, her blog and the naughty bunny rabbits some love. You won’t regret it.
Photo by Alexis Brown, courtesy of Unsplash